Your Grief Is Welcome: A Pilgrimage for Bereaved Parents

A balm for the broken heart: bereavement pilgrimage for parents 

We guided our first ever pilgrimage for bereaved parents last year in 2024, this year we came back with more pilgrims and an enriched journey through the Sussex countryside. As a guide, you plan for certain things to happen, but none of us could have predicted the most powerful and poignant moments from this year’s journey. 

Pilgrimage was traditionally used in bereavement for centuries, with many pilgrims seeking solace after loss. Some walked in memory of someone who had died, either recently or long before. This was seen as a spiritual gift to the deceased, especially if the destination promised salvation, e.g. a cathedral shrine. Sometimes pilgrims walked in place of the deceased, to complete a pilgrimage on their behalf. Those medieval pilgrims would have been familiar with the loss of a child; today’s pilgrims are remaking this ancient tradition to find new ways to carry a grief considered unusual in today's society.   

Beyond the immediacy of funerals we don’t seem to have many traditions as a society to honour long term bereavement. Pilgrimage offers a unique combination of qualities which stimulate body, heart and mind. Bringing 12 pilgrims together to share this journey allowed everyone the chance to walk with their lost children in mind and rest with their grief in a group of people who intimately knew their pain.  

We followed a 3-day stretch of the Old Way from Lewes, finishing at the sea at Cuckmere Haven next to the Seven Sisters white cliffs. This route offers a variety of landscapes, from hills and woods to river valleys and small secret places on paths less travelled. We carried with us stones, on which we had written the names of our own lost loved ones, plus those submitted by people unable to join the journey which we honoured on their behalf. 

“It increased my connection with nature which gives a sense of permanence amongst a profound loss.”

We worked with bereaved parents to bring together several elements for this pilgrimage. You don’t expect every thing to speak to every pilgrim, but variety is key to ensure everyone finds their moment of resonance. Grief is slow and nonlinear; and so was our path. It offered physical challenge and moments of stillness, time for solitude and circles to share stories. The wild beauty of nature and poignant stories of the landscape had much to offer, with one pilgrim reflecting “It increased my connection with nature which gives a sense of permanence amongst a profound loss.”

Some parents had lost their child several years before, other losses had only been a few months. Everyone walked with their own private intention, from honoring the deceased, to seeking clarity, to spending time in the deepest parts of their grief in a place of safety and companionship. Whilst we had planned some things like readings, songs, and honouring rituals, it was the unexpected moments of resonance that made the pilgrimage even more powerful. 

One mother reflected on how they had incorporated her daughters favourite drink, a cherry bakewell cocktail, into their memorials for her. The following day the group agreed to a detour so I could take us to a beautiful old cherry tree, just beginning to fruit. It sits outside the church in Alciston, and we joined the mother in a song for her daughter. Another moment of connection came to us from the stained glass in Wilmington. A couple had lost their son shortly after he had claimed it was his “year of the phoenix”, this only came to light when there, emblazoned in the wall, was the bird itself. 

Grief manifested itself in these unexpected moments of resonance, provoking tears and pain, but also extraordinary joy. The whole journey culminated in a silent procession along the final mile to the beach, with a final honouring circle where parents recited the names of their children. Arm in arm, tears flowed, voices cracked, some were shaking, but once it was done we released our named stones and stepped into the waves with elation. 

Each parent now has a new pilgrim family, who know their story and have shared their pain, who they can call on in the future. They also have new rituals or ways to remember their children, and those of the group too. They told us: 

“I gained so much from the companionship of others and the gentle but well thought through grief rituals.” - April 

“This experience has been like applying balm to my broken heart.” - Nathalie

“I am a grief and loss therapist and from my point of view, it was humbling, a privilege, a beautiful experience.” - Nicola 

We are particularly grateful to bereaved parents Helena Grace and Louis de Pelet for their support in the development and delivery of this pilgrimage. Helena’s vision inspired our first journey last year and she continues to offer many insights and ideas. Louis is an outdoor therapist who has an interest in how ritual can support group therapeutic practice, and was our emotional support for this journey. During the day you could find him at the back of the group, deep in conversation with someone, in the evenings he led our sharing circles with a light touch and a feeling of “being held”. Read more about our bereavement pilgrimage programme here. 

Our next journey for bereavement is open to all grievers (not just parents) and is also guided by Dawn Champion. Book a place, submit a name or make a donation here.

We honour and remember the children of this year’s pilgrims: 

Jack Carlisle, Jasper de Pelet, Lucas Marshall, Matthew Hedger Grace, Melanie Beckerleg, Minnie Gilmore, Oisín El Baba Jones, Rachel Rayner, Ruby Jones, and Sam Mann

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We honour and remember the loved ones carried on behalf of others: 

Betty Griffiths, Christopher Rees, Evie McNerney, Jenny Champion, Jo Lang, John Daniel Wright, Joyce Doodson, June Grace, Lindsay Dutton, Liz Clarke Saul, Mary May, Micheál Boyce, Michael Hynes, Patrick Hein van Drumpt, Rory Long, Yvonne Rooke